A response to a long question from a submissive male, regarding ways of bringing the Dominatrix out in a rather shy, nonverbal and insecure Lady:
Raising the self esteem of another is possible, but it is a long and patient process. Be happy that her self esteem is so not so low that she doesn't believe she deserves you at all.
   First, I want you to point out to her, that a good leader is a slave to needs of the people she leads. Mother Theresa is a dominant, isn't she? She goes around the world telling people how to live. She is a slave to Jesus, but a leader of men. If your Lady is a caretaker type as you mention, that will give her a foundation of undiscovered leadership knowledge, to give her some confidence.

Every prince and pauper story tells how a king must experience humility, to be a good king. She's done that. That will help her trust herself. Likely she knows a lot of how bad leadership feels, too. This can be motivation to take up the reins herself. The examples of poor leadership are there to guide her, as surely as the good. They temper a Domina with wisdom, so that power is enriching, not corrupting.

As far as how to please her, for that information, you must be experimental and observant. you love her, so that shouldn't be too difficult, even though you are a male, and so disadvantaged in those skills. If you had a pet that you loved, you would observe it's reactions and habits until you knew how to maintain it's comfort and happiness, without it ever telling you in words. Learn her nonverbal love language.

And when she does talk, let her. Listen. Forgo your masculine impulse to solve all her problems. That is not why she is talking. She speaks to organize the emotions in her heart and head, and when she is finished, she will have come to her own solutions.
   If you do speak, to understand more clearly, say I hear you saying this'' so she knows she has been heard and understood so far, and she can clear any miscommunications.
   And I wonder about this' '.

So she understands that you seek more information to understand fully, but you are not going to make heavy judgments about her answer. You must make it safe for her to speak her mind. She has probably had a lot of heavy judgments to get past about her Divine Feminine energy and knowledge, it is threatening to patriarchal religion and insecure men. They have persuaded her it is an unworthy power.
   So, she needs to learn to relax and enjoy your worship without thinking with shame that she is a 'bad grrl' for doing so. Don't push these changes, or you may scare her.
   Provide a safe and supportive environment for her Goddess self to emerge. Give her energy, and attend to your submissive needs by sacrificing them for a time, to allow your lady time to heal. This is also a way to honor her wishes.

Be inventive finding non-threatening ways to serve. My prime directive to my slaves is to contribute to my happiness and well being, in whatever way they are able, and according to my stated or apparent needs of the moment. Doing my dishes for me falls under the prime directive.
   Do them, so I won't have to. My slaves know that, so if they see dirty dishes, they wash 'em. they find satisfaction in soap suds, knowing that they are serving my needs. slaves that always need me standing over them, telling them what to do don't make it past probation. I enslave a man, I want the use of his brain, too. and it's up to them to prove to me that they are worth owning. Well, I hope this helps. Blessings, Angelique.

At 03:47 09/11/97 -0800, you wrote:
>Mistress,
>
>I need advice:
>I'm a submissive man, 31, uninitiated in the 
>lifestyle, who seeks to form a relationship with
>a dominant woman who will enslave me and allow me
>to worship her and especially her feet. Is this a
>realistic aspiration from anyone but a professional
>domina? Are there places where I may find a 
>woman interested?
>
>Would very much appreciate your response.
>J.D.
>
>